Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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