I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
