Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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