I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm really busy with my period
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