I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
