Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
