How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
