Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
