Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
