theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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