the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
