I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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