I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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