"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
