I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
