so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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