I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
