Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
