I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
