Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
