I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just want nice things and good sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
