try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
