playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
