and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
