Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
