I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
