1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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