O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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