OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
