Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
