Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
