I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
