How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
