If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
