He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
