An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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