Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
