She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
