Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
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Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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