While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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