Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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