i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
