The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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