Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize