I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
