We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
