3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
