well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
