I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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