I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm going to jail i love you
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
