Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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