Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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