Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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