Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
