she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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