Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
