i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
