youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
