Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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