the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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